This is a pattern of interaction in which a person is permanently in a state of psychological readiness for criticism, manipulation or the loss of self instead of support. That tension drains the nervous system no less than living under a continuous external threat.

The signs and ways of responding are described in a material by the nationwide mental health programme "How are U?".

How this differs from an ordinary conflict

The key difference is the ability to resolve a problem together: to show respect even in anger, to acknowledge responsibility for one's actions and to be willing to hear the other side. Where that ability exists, a conflict stays a conflict.

Isolated unpleasant episodes happen to everyone — when a partner has had a bad day, is tired or is going through a crisis. Toxicity is spoken of when the situations repeat constantly and form a system.

Red flags

The first is belittling: successes are mocked or put down to luck, while real problems are called nonsense and inventions not worth attention.

The second is gaslighting: phrases that make you doubt your own sanity. "You are imagining it", "that never happened", "you are too sensitive" — all of them shift responsibility for the conflict onto the person who noticed it.

Why this is not "just their character"

Psychologists stress an important distinction: toxicity is a persistent behaviour pattern, not a manifestation of a difficult character or poor humour. Step by step it erodes inner resources and self-confidence regardless of circumstances.

That is why explanations like "he is just like that" do not hold: a difficult character does not cause systematic exhaustion in another person, whereas a persistent behaviour pattern does.

Nota bene

Bucha FM is an independent news site and station for the Bucha district. We cover what matters to the community, and we work for you — and because of you. Joining the people who make this possible is simple: support us with any amount.

Support the station